Bringing date nights and festive cheer to all!

As well as being the best Mummy, keep equal focus on the relationship with your partner in 2018.

Now that we have little ones in our lives, we get to relive that irreplaceable feeling of magic, wonder and joy that is Christmas. Misaki, our daughter, had no awareness of her first Christmas at 9 months, other than the lovely time and attention she got from her loving family.

This year, she has no concept of Father Christmas or the birth of Jesus (which ever you choose to believe) but loves the Christmas trees, naming “tree, lights, star and balls”- so proud. I look forward to her full understanding of Christmas so I can feel her palpable excitement of Santa coming if she is good (and the bargaining power that will bring).

The other event for us this time of year is our Wedding anniversary. It is 3 years today and we are going to celebrate by going out to dinner with a few drinks either side, followed by a sleep in with Misaki having a sleep over at Grandy’s! I am so excited as it is over 6 months since our last date night! How did we let that happen?!

After Misaki was born we promised each other that we would go out on a date night once a month and have a date night in house once a week. That sounds super realistic right?! We were nailing it in the first year taking Misaki out on regular dinners, with her happily sleeping in the pram. But then came awareness and the inability to sleep in the pram, as well as the 2 daily sleeps and 7pm show’s over routine.

The routine worked beautifully for an un-broken sleep for all the family but ruined our social plans. Life gets busy too, especially being married to my husband. I love him, and his ambition to achieve in all facets of life but the regular interstate and overseas work trips and the regular gigs he plays with his band doesn’t leave many nights free. Then you feel bad for asking your already heavily involved Mother and MIL to babysit while you have a night out.

“It is so important to look after your relationship, especially when you have a child as part of the mix...”

As an extrovert, I need to get out, see people, live life. I absolutely love being a Mum and glad I don’t need to be working full time so I can spend lots of time with Misaki. However, I have been getting down at times, and apart from not getting enough exercise endorphins, I blame the lack of date nights and quality time with my husband. We are really strong and I am so grateful to be married to him but I want to enjoy fun times and conversation that is not based on Misaki, work or renovations.

It is so important to look after your relationship, especially when you have a child as part of the mix. Children can, but shouldn’t put your relationship with your partner on the back burner. We have to somehow make our relationship a priority and with our busy lives. As unromantic as it sounds, actively scheduling date nights, at home and out, in to the diary, is key. Time to have quality conversation about the deep stuff. We learnt this on our pre-marriage course and it is so relevant and helpful for a healthy relationship.

“actively scheduling date nights, at home and out, in to the diary, is key...”

When we were growing up in laid back Australia in the 70s and 80s our parents had a babysitting club. A club, where it’s members were not friends (hence wouldn’t want to be going out together) and the payment was cashless. You gained babysitting hours by doing time yourself, babysitting club member’s children. Forming a babysitting club will save you much needed coin which will pay for your night out. We think it is absolutely brilliant.

Why does it not exist now? It even seems taboo to suggest it. I think it is mainly because parents are worried about the dangers of leaving their children with strangers. There is justifiable merit in this argument but if you form a group with people you trust then I think the risks are extremely low. I personally feel a lot more comfortable about a baby sitters club rather than hiring an unknown babysitter from a website.

“parents are worried about the dangers of leaving their children with strangers...”

So, my cyber Christmas present to you is the suggestion that you find a group of people to form an old school babysitting club! I am going to suggest this to my play group mothers. A group of 11 of us who have become particularly close. We see each other socially on a regular basis. As mother’s do, we share deeply with each other. I trust them implicitly. This is the perfect group for my babysitting club.

I sign off here to go and try my best at being an excellent Mummy in the kitchen, making a pavlova for Christmas day. I wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and a happy 2018 with lots of date nights! Lots of love, Melli.

Summary

Actively look after your relationship with your partner.

Organise a babysitting club through your playgroup, childcare, Kindergym so that you can have regular date nights.

Melli Tilbrook is a Physiotherapist based at Adelaide Physiotherapy and Pilates Studio, Beulah Park.