Wrestling with a terrible two
/In this blog I ask for parenting ideas on how to psychologically manage the terrible two tantrums as well as give advice on exercises to help prevent injury when having to wrestle your two year old in a tantrum!
I had to see my physio today because I have hurt my neck. I hope you don’t think I am an awful mother but the only reason I can think of for it happening is because I (protectively) restrained our two year old. Beautiful Misaki turned 2, 2 weeks ago, and almost by the strike of midnight she started with the classic throwing herself on the hard floor, kicking her legs and punching her fists because she couldn’t have an ice block for breakfast.
I do try and respect her frustration “I know it must be annoying not to be able to have an ice block for breakfast” and explain why. I say that “I will be over here and you can come and talk to me when you have settled down”. I thought (without consulting literature) that I was in line for a parenting award because it seemed to work. She would come over after not too long and I would give her all this attention and hugs for her calm, positive behaviour. It doesn’t work anymore! #%%&. Strange that she is just as stubborn as my husband and I. She just doesn’t give up, and we are giving in. #%%&. Parenting fail.
“Can I put it to the parents out there, how are you best managing tantrums?”
Can I put it to the parents out there, how are you best managing tantrums? Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom? Please put your ideas in the comments below. I would love some help.
Time is precious. Sadly, even Misaki, two, can say the words including, “hurry, faster, running” which is a bit of a worry. Because time is often of the essence, we don’t always have time for their tantrums to come to an organic end. Allowing plenty of time and letting tantrums come to their own end without touching them would be a text book parenting solution for injury prevention and probably general awesome parenting. But in the real world this is not always possible so read about the manual handling challenge below that hurt my neck.
“Allowing plenty of time and letting tantrums come to their own end without touching them would be a text book parenting solution...”
Picture 13kg of muscle wriggling erratically in unpredictable directions and having to lift her off the floor to move the day along.
It takes a lot of core strength in the neck and back to prevent injury. You need to use your core in your neck and back to keep your body straight and still as possible to not be twisted with their moving
With such force and momentum, you are resisting much more than 13 kg
You have to have quick reaction time in your muscles to resist the unpredictable changes of direction
You have to have good balance too, to not fall over when you are hopefully squatting to pick her up, rather than bending over with your back
If you bend over with your back and twisted around you have a large chance of getting a lumbar disc injury or fixed flexion deformity (just as painful).
“A complete work out in completely the wrong way!”
Another example is when I am trying to dress her in a hurry. She is running around. I have literally tackled her to the floor (she part laughs/ part continues screaming) and then I wrestle her either onto her back and try to start dressing her before she turns on to her tummy again, and again, and I continue to resist with my core (and arms) to turn her back. The other option is wrestle her to lie on my stomach as I lie on the floor trying to hold her still and dress her that way. Am I alone on this?! Crunches having to support my neck in the air with my deep neck muscles, working the obliques and quadratus lumborum reaching for clothes and the lumbar core and 6 pack muscles (ha!) and not to mention the arms and legs to dress her! A complete work out in completely the wrong way!
My muscles and fascia (sheath surrounding my muscles) got stiff, as well as the cervical (neck) spinal joints they attach to. I could have hurt the discs in my neck too, but I think they just escaped injury. So how can we achieve these tasks and prevent injury?
“I need to be stronger in the core muscles of my neck and back, work on my balance and reaction time and remember the good manual handling techniques.”
As mentioned above, to prevent these stiffnesses above I need to be stronger in the core muscles of my neck and back, work on my balance and reaction time and remember the good manual handling techniques. Here are a few exercises to work on these skills.
Core neck strength
Lie on your back with your head on a firm pillow. Tuck your chin towards your chest gently and then gently push your whole head into the pillow and try to hold for 5-10 seconds. The key is to not push too hard though. Feel the front of your neck, you should NOT feel any muscle contracting as you push your head down. The muscles we are trying to contract are deep (hence the reference to ‘core’ muscles).
“The exercise above is the basic postural position that we should incidentally be holding our head in all day, as we sit, walk and hold our baby...”
The exercise above is the basic postural position that we should incidentally be holding our head in all day, as we sit, walk, and hold our baby, breast feeding etc: Chin gently down and head back so our ears are in line with our shoulders (not in front). I also want you to apply this to the harder exercises below which will help with this posture, core strength and injury prevention. Read our future blog “Pain in my neck” for other examples of how we can hurt our neck when caring for our babies and how you can prevent it.
2.As your baby is playing/ asleep, kneel on the floor and put your forearms on the couch, angle your body on the diagonal in a kneeling plank position. Practice exercise 1 but instead of your face being up, your face will be down. So you are working against gravity, increasing the resistance of the exercise.
3. When you get stronger you can get more and more horizontal, say resting on an exercise ball
4. Then planking on the floor, on your knees
And then on your toes. Do not go straight to this exercise- you will get a sore neck if you are not strong enough. If you feel the muscles on the back of your neck tensing up, you are NOT strong enough to be doing this exercise. Gradually build yourself up.
Back core strength
In terms of back core strength, the exercises above also work these muscles. Winning at multi tasking. When doing these exercises, you need to make sure that you lifting your front hip bones up towards your ribs, flattening your back. Make sure you are not using your bottom or 6 pack muscles to do this though. Put your hands just to the inside of your front hip bones. When you contract the core you should feel a gentle hardening under your fingers at this spot. Please see the blog “Switching on your core the proper way” for further information on contracting all the core muscles correctly, and to prevent causing further injury rather than preventing injury. There are so many exercises you can do to strengthen the neck and back core muscles but these are good because you can do them regularly as you play with your child. See your physiotherapist for more ideas too.
“To work on your balance do some exercises with your child, like trying to stand on one leg like a flamingo (awesome double learning opportunity)... or doing some adult or baby yoga.”
Reaction time
You can work on your reaction time by mastering the choreography of the Wiggles or other (no royalties here I am afraid). This will help with the fitness and endurance required too. Playing a fun game of chasey with your two year/ threeanger if they run as much as Misaki will challenge you further.
Balance
To work on your balance do some exercises with your child, like trying to stand on one leg (like a flamingo- awesome double learning opportunity), standing on tip toes (as tall as a giraffe), jumping (like a kangaroo) or doing some adult or baby yoga.
Summary
Parents deserve an award for surviving the twos and threes. Hang in there.
If you can manage to not have to restrain your child if they are having a tantrum, dressing them or wiping their face as they are smearing it on your couch then this will prevent your risk of injury.
Brace the core of your neck and back if you do have to restrain them to resist any twisting of your back or neck.
Strengthen your core, balance and agility as you would to train for a wrestling match!
Melli Tilbrook is a Physiotherapist based at Adelaide Physiotherapy and Pilates Studio, Beulah Park
