Looking in the mirror
/Merry Christmas and happy new year! As a parent it is even more important than ever to reflect of how we have performed over the year. Mummies can be too hard on themselves, so be proud and take this time to celebrate how wonderful you are.
And just like that 2019 and another decade is almost over. We hope that you have had the most magical year with your family, watching your baby/ babies grow and explore this beautiful world of ours. The end of the year is a time for reflection; what have we achieved, what have we not and what can we improve on for next year. As a Mummy I think it is more important than ever to check in to see how we are doing as parents and to make sure we are making the most of these precious years with our babies.
The good
My family and I have had a wonderful, challenging and blessed year. As a family we have achieved a lot with home renovations (a good lesson in patience, diplomacy and project management), family holidays, and success in our careers. Our daughter has achieved much personal growth as reflected in her ELC (Early Learning Centre) report (how adorable). I was worried that as an only child she might have issues sharing and communicating fairly with her peers. She has however been reported to be a leader, making sure that everyone has a turn. So proud. She has also mastered toileting!
“People keep saying that the years spent with your children flies by so fast so enjoy every moment.”
People keep saying that the years spent with your children flies by so fast so enjoy every moment. The main thing I have reflected on that I have done well this year, but has always been important to me, is having a good work life balance. Allowing quality time for family and friends but especially for our daughter Misaki. I feel so lucky to have this balance, working part time is a fortunate blessing for me but not possible for all. I have friends who have nannies and very busy full time jobs but I have witnessed that they just make quality time for their children so this works just as well. For those who work full time without the luxuries of nannies, in laws or even partners firstly hats off to you. Secondly, they say you only need eight minutes of quality time with each child per day to build strong relationships and happy children. Quality time means dedicated, no screens or distractions time, asking them questions about their day, paraphrasing their content to show that you have been listening and commending them on good news. Doing this regularly builds a strong sense of attachment and self worth (1).
“spending 8 minutes per day of quality time with each child ... builds a strong sense of attachment and self worth ”
Sadly I have seen my friend’s parents starting to die or become very sick this year which keeps reminding me that making the most of every moment with all generations is so important (but often hard with our busy lives). I was able to have a once in a lifetime experience this year with my Mum. We went on a journey to India, Nepal and Bhutan. It was a great opportunity to get to know Mum on another level and just to spend time. The best moment was being supremely proud of Mum when we hiked in the Bhutanese Himalayas to the Tigers Nest Monastery. There were people, Indians in particular, stopping her to ask in disbelief; “how old are you?!” They could not fathom that a 70 year old was 1. Still alive and 2. Hiking in the Himalayas. I am so thankful that both my parents and parents in law are so healthy but am fully aware that that may change at any moment, to any of us. I know I am not saying anything new but am just using this opportunity to put it in the front of your mind. Make the most of every moment with your babies, families and friends.
Isn’t it most people’s new year’s resolution to exercise more, loose the stomach and thighs? I am happy that I made the time this year to exercise more regularly. The Himalayan trip was a good motivation. My stomach is still not flat but Mum gave me wise insight into her thoughts as a 70 year old female. She now doesn’t care that she is not super slim. She is of average weight, not overweight and eats LOTS of healthy food to energise and keep her healthy. Isn’t that wise advice we should all take? Another piece of advice she just quietly demonstrated every morning and night, was stretching and strengthening exercises that she has done religiously for 30 years and has not had one bad episode of back pain since. She is practicing what I preach and put me and most of us to shame. So proud of you Mum and thanks for the inspiration.
“as a 70 year old female.. she now doesn’t care that she is not super slim. She eats LOTS of healthy food to energise and keep her healthy.”
The Bad
Misaki is as stubborn as both my husband and I. Misaki and I have had some lengthy standoffs, neither willing to give in. I worry that she will come to resent me for these epic tantrums and that is it really worth it in the end? Probably not when it is things like me wanting her to wear an outfit I prefer but yes to behavioural lessons. I know being 3 is a challenge with defiance and egocentrism riding high but it can only make us parents stronger right?
“Misaki shop lifted for the first (and hopefully last!) time this week! ”
Christmas presents new tantrum opportunities. Again I reassure myself that this is common, but Misaki is now commonly having a melt down when I won’t buy her something she wants at a shop. I had tried the advice of suggesting taking a photo of the gift and sending it to Santa for her wish list but this didn’t work. And I think I have overused the threat of “"ringing Santa because she has been naughty”, because this doesn’t work either. I still haven’t told my husband but Misaki shop lifted for the first (and hopefully last!) time this week! When I said she couldn’t have the toy she ran out of the shop with it! I made her apologise to the shop owner and hopefully that is a new lesson learnt?! Fun times.
What do I have to work on next year?
There are many things I need to improve on but relevant to being a Mummy I need to be less stubborn and better at managing tantrums. Maybe this means putting tantrums into perspective. They can be ultra frustrating but maybe I need to keep reminding myself that it is completely normal for 2 and 3 year old’s to throw tantrums. It is part of their growth and they are learning how best to communicate. If they are particularly fiery, this will likely bode well for them in the future when they will stand up for themselves in the big bad world.
“tantrums... is part of their growth and they are learning how best to communicate. If they are particularly fiery, this will likely bode well for them in the future when they will stand up for themselves”
I also need to book in more date nights. See my blog Bringing date nights and festive cheer to all for the promises we made two years ago and have failed at.
Summary
I am so blessed; my parents are in good health, my husband is loving and a doting Daddy, my gorgeous daughter brings me such happiness and love as do my extended family and friends. Above all, time with loved ones is what people at the end of their lives recall as what they treasured most, or what they wished they had.
Write your own list, recognise and be proud of what you have achieved. Parents and even more so Mummies make themselves feel guilty that they can’t seem to manage and balance it all but you shouldn’t. Your babies only need your love and undivided attention for 8 minutes a day which is not that much to ask when you know how much it means to them and to you. Before long they are not going to want our company as adolescents so let’s consolidate their happiness and security while we can, and enjoy these precious opportunities.
We wish you the very best of magic this Christmas and hope that you have a blessed new year full of love, peace and calm. xx
References
https://familypeace.org.au/
Melli Tilbrook is a Physiotherapist based at Adelaide Physiotherapy and Pilates Studio, Beulah Park
